Tag Archives: Riding in the Car with Me(l)

July 12, 2012 · 11:20 am

Riding in the Car with Me(l): Summer Edition-Bike Rides

The sun was powerful and angry. He wanted to bust through that ozone layer and hit me directly. Would I allow him? Probably, gurrrrl, ya’ll know everyone looks better with a little sun-kissed glow, mmmm kay?!

It was just to darn hot! What is an unemployed girl to do in such heat? POOL IT UP.

Noticing my bike had a flat tire, I ran over to Brandon’s and asked to borrow Margo’s.

“Brotally Mel! I’ll ride with you and get some laps in gurrrl”

So off we were, Mel and Brandon, Brandon and Mel about to take over the Sherman Oaks pool, one bike ride and backstroke at a time. I must first preface, the saying “it’s just like riding a bike” is not ALWAYS true. There are certain things to keep in to consideration prior to muttering the words.

1. Is the bike too big/tall? If so…you may have a problem

2. Do you know where the breaks are? If not…you may have a problem

3. Can you reach the breaks? If not… I think you know where I am going with this. Let the story continue…

“Brandon! I don’t know if I can ride this bike! It’s too tall!”

“Mel, quit being mexican and pedal! pretend you are pedaling to make tacos or something”

So pedal I did. Until I notice…the crowded narrow sidewalk. SHIT. How am I going to get through there?!

OMG I am going too fast. CRAP! My aunt’s black jean side bag from mexico is falling, crap! move bag! move!!! OMG, is that a dead pigeon!? AHHH The light post! WTF is a shopping cart doing here!? (homeless man’s home) oh crap I’m going to fall, NOOOOO Not into the LA River! NO!!!

swerve to the left, swerve to the right, swerve again to the left over the curb onto traffic

WHERE ARE THE BREAKS?!?!??!?!?!?!? I’ll just use my left foot as a break, my flip-flops will protect.

“AHHHHH BRANDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“GEEEZUS Mel, (gag) what happened?! (gag)”

“Brandon, I have a dead pigeon’s feather flapping in the wind on my half torn off toe nail. I couldn’t stop.”

As I continue to pedal to the pool I can’t help but replay that moment in my head. I let out a loud laugh. you dummy…

My eyes meet my wounds and blood continues to pool over my toe, alas the feather still flaps in the wind…

Good bye cute pedicure, hello bird disease?

I’m a baby.

xo,

mel

Riding in the car with Me(l):Nail Polish Chippings

Ever since I was a little girl I have bit my nails. I’ve tried every trick in the book to stop. I’ve rubbed tabasco sauce on them; only made me love spicy food. I’ve tried wearing mittens; only made my hands sweat. I’ve lost hope. Short nails were just going to be my thing. I needed to move on. Until I came across nail polish. LIFE CHANGER!

With nail polish, I didn’t want to bite my nails, I didn’t want to ruin the masterpiece that had been painted on them. I needed those bad boys to grow and be shown off! I needed and wanted long nails. That idea lasted for about 3 days…

Flash forward to present day as I am pulling into the gas station biting and chipping my red polished nails. I usually find myself nail-biting when I am stressed, have something on my mind, or anxious. Apparently I am in one of those current states. Who knows.

bite. chip. bite.

pump gas.

hand sanitizer.

I walk up and go in to pay for my gas and that’s when I notice Steve (I don’t know his name, nor does he look like a Steve, but Steve the gas attendant sounds cool) giving me a strange look. Not the kind of strange look that he often gives, but one of concern. I take that look as, I am concerned that you may look TOO good today. Oh well…Back to the car, back to the nail chipping.

But as I continued my trek into Hollywood I couldn’t stop thinking about Steve . Steve, what was with that look? Why didn’t you offer me a lotto ticket like you always do? Why was our encounter…uncomfortable!? STEEEEEVVVVVEEE!!!

I open up the mirror on the sun visor and there is it. The reason for Steve’s look. The reason things were different between me and that gas attendant that fine morning. A mirror never lies, and there it was. ~~Blood~~ Red nail polish chippings all over my face. Lips, cheeks, nose, jaw; everywhere. I looked like a cannibal. Like a rebellious vegetarian. Like Patrick Bateman but with out the protective rain coat. I looked like a MONSTER.

OMG what

Oh man… yup. That was on my face….

So maybe all I needed to do was brush some of the chippings off. And maybe I didn’t look like a monster. And perhaps Hannibal Lector can keep his title. Ok, so all I DID have to do was brush off some red nail polish chippings.

Whatever. I need to stop going to that gas station and need to check the mirror more often.

xo,

mel

p.s. I guess I could work on not biting my nails too…

Riding in the car with Me(l): Rob Pattinson

I’ve decided that many of you understand that I am a bit ~~weird~~ eccentric . A BIT. But as I was driving to work today I caught myself interrupting MYSELF in a story I was having with MYSELF. This made me think… Melissa, maybe you’re MORE than a bit weird…

Which brings me to a new series I would like to call, Riding in the car with Me(l), where I share stories, thoughts, ideas that occur while riding in the car…. Enjoy!

My encounter with Rob Pattinson at a bar

It’s been one HELL of a day at work, I just need to go and grab a drink. Yea, I know it’s a Tuesday, yea I know I’m going to a bar by myself, whatever. I need a drink. I roll up to some hole in the wall bar and plop down on the dingy bar stool, this bar looks like I will NOT ONLY leave with a buzz, but also hepatitis. This bar is really dimly lit, not many people, ‘GAWD I’m glad I came, this is just what I needed.’ I get up to use the rest room, on my way back I accidentally brush my open purse against someone but continue towards my stool. A gust of wind sweeps by and I feel a hand grab my arm. I seductively whip around, my hair does some slow mo, Quentin Tarantino meets Fabio movie thing and I look up. In front of me is a man perfectly proportioned; chiseled jaw, eyes I can get lost in for days and a smile that makes my knees go weak. ”I think you dropped this” Our hands meet as he hands me my wallet, I can’t take my eyes off of him… ”Do I know you from somewhere?” (clearly I know where I recognize him from) No words are spoken, we just stare and smile. Suddenly we are the only ones in the bar….

Then I hear multiple horns going off and realize I have been sitting at Cahuenga and Barham for two lights… SHIT!

xoxo,

mel

^^^ think about it….

Tag Archives: Riding in the Car with Me(l)

Riding in the Car with Me(l): Summer Edition-Bike Rides

Riding in the car with Me(l):Nail Polish Chippings

Riding in the car with Me(l): Rob Pattinson

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