The sun was powerful and angry. He wanted to bust through that ozone layer and hit me directly. Would I allow him? Probably, gurrrrl, ya’ll know everyone looks better with a little sun-kissed glow, mmmm kay?!
It was just to darn hot! What is an unemployed girl to do in such heat? POOL IT UP.
Noticing my bike had a flat tire, I ran over to Brandon’s and asked to borrow Margo’s.
“Brotally Mel! I’ll ride with you and get some laps in gurrrl”
So off we were, Mel and Brandon, Brandon and Mel about to take over the Sherman Oaks pool, one bike ride and backstroke at a time. I must first preface, the saying “it’s just like riding a bike” is not ALWAYS true. There are certain things to keep in to consideration prior to muttering the words.
1. Is the bike too big/tall? If so…you may have a problem
2. Do you know where the breaks are? If not…you may have a problem
3. Can you reach the breaks? If not… I think you know where I am going with this. Let the story continue…
“Brandon! I don’t know if I can ride this bike! It’s too tall!”
“Mel, quit being mexican and pedal! pretend you are pedaling to make tacos or something”
So pedal I did. Until I notice…the crowded narrow sidewalk. SHIT. How am I going to get through there?!
OMG I am going too fast. CRAP! My aunt’s black jean side bag from mexico is falling, crap! move bag! move!!! OMG, is that a dead pigeon!? AHHH The light post! WTF is a shopping cart doing here!? (homeless man’s home) oh crap I’m going to fall, NOOOOO Not into the LA River! NO!!!
swerve to the left, swerve to the right, swerve again to the left over the curb onto traffic
WHERE ARE THE BREAKS?!?!??!?!?!?!? I’ll just use my left foot as a break, my flip-flops will protect.
“AHHHHH BRANDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“GEEEZUS Mel, (gag) what happened?! (gag)”
“Brandon, I have a dead pigeon’s feather flapping in the wind on my half torn off toe nail. I couldn’t stop.”
As I continue to pedal to the pool I can’t help but replay that moment in my head. I let out a loud laugh. you dummy…
My eyes meet my wounds and blood continues to pool over my toe, alas the feather still flaps in the wind…
Good bye cute pedicure, hello bird disease?
I’m a baby.
xo,
mel
